2025 will be the test of my will and maturity
2024 to me feels like that turning point where I move from a sole teenager to the adult I am now. I turned 20, I own a motorcycle, and I work. Entering the third decade of your life feels different, it’s not like turning 10 or whatever, it’s more. I made decisions that made me happier, ones that lifted my self esteem. But like the balance that is the universe I made decisions that royally fucked me over. It’s bound to happen once or twice. I take it though, it’s part of growing up isn’t it?
So what did I learn this year? I feel like writing it all out as a way to rewind back and see what I did and how I got here this mid December of 2024. It’s a way for me to look back at my mistakes, and the things I did that made me proud. I learned a lot this year, and I’m sure I’m going to learn much more in the next. But this year feels like a personal highlight of a year I can’t not write down what this year brought me.
One of the biggest things I’ve done this year is taking a step in a relationship I have always dreaded moving forward in. It sounds cliché I know, it feels cliché to say that a move in a relationship is my biggest achievement. But it is to me. What I learned is that I am just too scared of the worst outcome happening that I outweighed what fun or happiness I’d get from such a decision. It all happened in a flash, and I am grateful that I took that step coming into that class to ask her out for the first time ever in my life. I learned how I’m not that unlovable, I might just be in the wrong time at the moments it mattered. I might be in the wrong headspace for it to happen. Because that day, I felt happiness. Everything else just melted away and well I am glad it happened.
One thing I’m content about this year though is working for my department. It’s been an honor and it’s been fun. But I question myself sometimes, can’t I ever take a break in life? Seems like I’m just the kind of person to take working or doing something as a very valuable thing, and I seem to enjoy it. I’m glad I heard about that opportunity last minute, wrote my cover letter and got accepted. It put me up a step on the vertical mobility ladder as a person. I did something good actually and yeah it’s great. As much as it hurts to just put everything to it and be the best I can in all of my responsibilities, it’s rewarding too in the end. I just need to work as good as I can, and good things will work out for me on the other end.
As fun as watching Laufey live on stage this year is, I feel like all the other things I experienced this year have toned down the excitement on that end. It’s an experience, it was fun. I tried shooting ISO 800 film on an old SLR in a dark room, but I got some okay-ish shots out of them so I’m not mad. I tried out the Jakarta public transit system, and well I went on an adventure. It’s a change of pace once in a while in my life and I hope I get another one in 2025. I still haven’t watched Formula E yet live lmao.
So what happened in 2024 that royally fucked me over you ask? I went into a rabbit hole, one that taught me modesty and patience. I got into debt like a person losing his ground on reality. Now I have to live through it, just have it be done any way I can. I’m looking at the positives though, it definitely taught me more in my life than the last 20 or so years have. It taught me about moderation, self control, and patience. Waiting for my working honors for 5 months as hard as it may is probably fine in hindsight. And hindsight is 20/20. Don’t follow my footsteps dear reader, it’s not worth it. If not for the friends I have, I probably wouldn’t have survived this year financially.
That whole thing also thought me another thing, perhaps my sense of class consciousness have been awoken. I feel more attached to others and how they are in their daily lives. After the mess that is the two general elections of 2024, I realized the general flow of the universe isn’t necessarily as positive as I thought it is, and that I just have to live through it. As hard as it may be, a better life is coming sooner or later and for now, just survive.
Here’s to 2025, I guess. Wishing all of us the best for next year. Wishing myself the maturity to live through it all too in a good mood.
All the photos in this post is taken by myself on film, use it if you want to. I hope this write up about my 2024 is something you can relate to or whatever, I just want to write it down for myself.
previously posted on Medium at https://medium.com/@fjello/2024-was-a-lesson-100dc6bd6533
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