a memo from someone who believes in the good of humanity
many a times in my life have I been taught that humans are different. the egocentric view of the human experience says that we’re different to other animals in the kingdom because we have the gift of thought, of feeling, of emotions. one we communicate with each other through language, an arguably very human thing within the animal kingdom. I built my ideals around that. I always believed that ultimately, humans are nice. humans care about each other. I always defined humanity as just that, a sense of community, collective identity, and ability to perceive others not as mere enemies we have to fight against under the laws of the jungle. no other species have created laws, morality, belief systems so complex that we end up self-regulating our own communities. no other species have conquered this earth and built communities and societies built upon a shared ideal of survival and convenience.
yet i feel like it’s no longer the case. i feel like somehow we have past the point at which emotions and belief systems have been properly utilized. we’re losing our own grip on our humanity. racism, sexism, xenophobia, classism. all we see today is the antithesis of humanity. two of the largest economies on this planet, run by fascist idiots with an individualistic and dogmatic view of humanity. democracy is being disassembled from within. a system that only a benevolent humanity would create for the betterment of society, now used to destroy society from the inside. first, dehumanize those who are not like us. in the US, the immigrants fleeing conflicts. Israel, the Palestinian identity. Indonesia, refugees of Rohingya. step two, dehumanize those who are like us, but not us. in the US, the Asian-Americans and the African-American communities. Israel, orthodox Jews. Indonesia, the people.
and yet, I still held on to that belief. I believed that humans are inherently loving, caring, and benevolent. without them, I’m nobody. without them, I’d probably be dead 4 years ago when I was at my lowest. but now, it’s getting harder and harder to hold on. as hard as I try to hang on this bar of humanity, others are stomping on my fingers trying to get me to fall down.
28/08/25. i watched through my phone a video of a man getting ran over by a police-marked armored vehicle. i watched from halfway across the island of Java through Twitter how that police vehicle ran away immediately from the scene of the murder. i watched the news unfold, an hour passes. that man was dead. pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital where he was rushed to by the protesters on the ground where the murder happened. his name was Affan, an innocent bystander who was there working as an online ride-share driver for the Gojek platform to provide for his family. He wasn’t even there to protest, he had no reason to be harmed. He was a non-combatant if you want to play with the semantics. at the same time, another ride-share driver was also rushed into another hospital with critical injuries. he survived thankfully, but it does not make the situation any better. that same night, hundreds more got injured. public transit stations got teargassed. and my grip on humanity loosened a bit.
29/08/25. demonstrations continue. in the morning, thousands in green and yellow rode in solidarity to take Affan to his final resting grounds. the chief of police issued an apology, y’know, for the optics. this afternoon, two more police-marked vehicles ran over more civilians. one crashed into a motorcycle driver in the middle of traffic, the other drove over a protester’s leg and drove away. The protester reported that they are okay, but is unable to walk due to the incident. tonight, I watched as a projectile launched from a firearm got shot towards an ambulance stationed in a safe area. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I never thought that I would ever live in a terrorist police state like the Palestinians have been for the past 70 years. I’m still holding on.
and this is not a one off thing. in the past year I have seen incidents where a police officer murdered a teenager while driving under the influence. A bit farther back I have seen the police tear gas an entire stadium, causing many deaths and casualties that will forever haunt Indonesia’s sports. Countless times I have been tested against my own beliefs.
and do you know why the people are protesting anyway? imagine electing people into government to represent you. but instead of representing you and working to make your lives better, they openly mock you on national television. they claim up to 50x the minimum wages worth of tax money every single month, and yet all they do is they act entitled, sleep on legislature, and be immature fucking retards. at least those who elected these pricks still have the sanity to not just submit to their bullshit.
I’m not even mentioning the constant dehumanization and the ongoing genocide of Palestinians that we have constantly watched unfold on our screens every single day. The dehumanization is creeping to me slowly, and I just can’t think of anything anymore. I always knew that I’m not immune or safe, I just didn’t think it’ll come now when I’m at my lowest point in the 21 years I have lived on this earth.
Free Palestine, Free Sudan, Free the Congo, Free the People, Long Live the Resistance, ACAB, Defund the Police, Fuck DPR, Fuck the 58%.
God, if you’re truly there, save us all.
previously posted on Medium at https://medium.com/@fjello/losing-my-grip-768772c32b38
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